Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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