Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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