Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You did what with his pubic hair?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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