In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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