1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
