I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
