erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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