As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
