Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
