you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize