if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I could make wine with my vomit
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
