I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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