just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
