U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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