Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
