he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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