I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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