Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
