I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize