just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
