i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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