I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
