I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i will never coherently bang her
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
