dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
