I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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