I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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