This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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