Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
