So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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