there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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