How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
