I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
