True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize