Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my poor anus
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
