Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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