I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
