I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
