you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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