It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
