We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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