i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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