1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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