I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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