I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
