So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
