i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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