Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
