she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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