I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The best revenge is premature balding
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
