You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
