My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
