the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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