So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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