apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
