My liver just broke up with me...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
