went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
