i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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