how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
