Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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