Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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