last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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