Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Come see our sink grown plant.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
