i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
