I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
