she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
