Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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