There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
