I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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