I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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